A 36-year-old mother of three from Jabalya Refugee Camp
Saedah Shihadah (36), a married mother of three, talked of dealing with financial hardship and cancer while aspiring for a better future for her children.
I got a degree in social work about 13 years ago. Since then, I haven’t been able to get a job in my field and have only found low-paying odd jobs. When I was a student, I imagined I’d find permanent work doing something social, but that dream quickly vanished. There are no such opportunities in Gaza.
“The Gaza Strip is like a prison. No dreams, no job, no pay.”
I live in Jabalya Refugee Camp with my husband Muhammad (39), who has a desk job with the government in Gaza, and our three children – Mustafa (10), Musa (4) and Muntallah (8). We all sleep in one room, in a two-room apartment that belongs to Muhammad’s family. There isn’t enough space for us all and it’s terribly crowded. I dream of having our own house and new furniture. We haven’t replaced the furniture in 12 years because we can’t afford it.
My husband makes about NIS 1,800 a month (~USD 500), which isn’t really enough for the five of us. We can’t give the children the feeling they can dream like other children. The whole situation makes us all sad and mentally exhausted. Musa, who walks to daycare because we can’t afford to pay for the school bus, says all his friends take the school bus except him.
In 2020, I got breast cancer. It was the hardest year of my life. I had a lumpectomy and I am still having tests and medical followup. The doctors asked me to only drink mineral water, but we can’t afford that, so I drink the water we get from trucks that drive around Gaza. I know it’s polluted, but I have no choice. I wish I could afford mineral water. It’s pretty basic but in Gaza, it’s become a dream.
They’ve been cutting our power off for 16 years now. I dream of having electricity at home both day and night. We can’t afford batteries and flashlights anymore. I also dream of having a fridge full of fruit and vegetables, not to mention meat, which is really a distant dream. The fridge is empty most of the time, and it pains me so much that I can’t cook a hot meal for my family. Sometimes, I’m embarrassed to send the kids to school with sandwiches that only have za’atar in them. I wish I could give them pocket money for school.
I’m 36 years old and still haven’t been able to make my dreams come true, or even earn a decent living. I live in a place that’s like a prison. No dreams, no job, no pay, no trips abroad, no life with dignity. I’ve dreamt of traveling out of Gaza my whole life, but it’s not even an option. The most I can do is take a walk along the beach, but even that’s hard when you don’t have enough money.
I’m sure people outside Gaza live in dignity. I’ve become a body without a soul. I’ve lost my joy in life and any sense of vitality. My life has become miserable and it’s hard to talk about, already, because no one is listening. I used to have dreams, but they’ve all evaporated. All I have left is simple dreams, like finding a job, living in a normal house and leading a dignified life. In the meantime, we’re suffering and nothing is changing.
* Interviewed and filmed by B'Tselem Field Researcher Khaled al-'Azayzeh and Olfat al-Kurd, B'Tselem.